It was the very first court hearing, it was supposed to be a routine hearing for setting up a plan for bio mom to get back on track. We were told that DCFS was going to push for adoption because bio mom has 3 other kids in the system. But it wasn't a routine hearing...
At 2:40 PM on Wednesday I hear my phone ding; I looked down and saw that I had a new voice mail. I walked outside to see if I could get a bit of service to listen to the voice mail...it was from one of the social workers, letting me know that the court has released baby girl back to bio mom and bio mom would be in contact with me to arrange pick up. My heart sunk, I was mad, sad, in disbelief, and fighting back tears. I knew that this was a possibility when trying to adopt through the foster care system, but from the very beginning they made it seem like this adoption was a sure thing. Of course nothing is a sure thing, but it seemed like it was heading in that direction. I called my husband immediately, he had already talked to the social worker and he was calling me as his phone rang. Hearing my husband cry telling me that this was harder than he thought and didn't think it would hurt this much made me feel even worse, tears were rolling down my face. I said to him "I'm sorry baby, I know it hurts, I'm going to leave work early I will call you when I'm on my way" at that point a flood was flowing down my face. Why was it hurting so much? Can someone really get that attached to someone in such a short time?
I got home and my in-laws were already there. Coincidentally they were going to come down to visit baby girl that same day. I didn't even want to see baby girl until I felt I would not cry when I saw her. I wanted her to see me smile and enjoy her for a few more hours. She was happy, smiling, and her cute silly self. My hubby called the SW to find out how this was going to happen. Are they picking her up? How does this work? What happens next? Well, it turns out "Birth mom doesn't drive, or have a car, or car seat. so you will need to take baby girl to birth mom" WHAT!?? REALLY?? at that point we were just over it and didn't care about being our normal punctual selves (actually hubby is the punctual one), we tried to suck every last minute we could with baby girl.
When the time came to take baby girl, she had no idea what was going on and was as happy as she always was, being funny, doing all the little things we taught her while she was with us. When baby girl came to us she didn't know much, and bio mom was clueless about her development. At one of the visits bio mom asked if she was starting to crawl- Crawl?? She was practically walking and almost talking, she was already crawling when she was removed from bio mom. There were times in the visits I would ask bio mom not to feed baby (who had no teeth) Chinese food or give her soda. I don't think she liked that I told her what not to give her own child but I had to do it.
Let me back up a little. Baby girl fit right in, she loved our dogs and especially the cats. Her favorite cat was Amasty, our black cat. She got super attached to my mom and my hubby, her and I needed a bit more work, as I worked all day and only saw her about 1 to 2 hours a day during the week, but we had our thing, I was the one who bathe her and put her to sleep or wake up in the middle of the night to put her back to sleep (she was teething) that was our bonding moments at the time.....
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| Baby girls fave cat- Amasty |
All in all it all felt right, and we feel so lucky that we were able to be a part of this little ones life. All we can do now is hope that we were able to make a difference and hope that birth mom does get back on track and cares for baby girl better than she did her other 3 kids.
Hubby and I have decided that we will continue and hope that one day it will work out. There are plenty of kids out there that need a home and we are willing to keep our home and hearts open for another child that needs it.
The Journey will still continue.
