Shoud I Blog/Vlog?

I was reading an article on foster care the other day about needing to be careful what you write about your current placement (click here to read article) after reading that my husband and I were very discouraged to continue our Blog/Vlogs.

Do we continue, we aren’t blogging or vlogging about anything personal about Mr. Smiles so why not?

We sat down and talked about it for a while and asked ourselves, “why did we start blogging/vlogging?” Well the answer to that question is we felt that we wanted to bring awareness to fostering. Granted there are lots of blogs out there about fostering if you really look for them so what is one more right? but why are we vlogging? people can actually see us and by seeing us will that be dangerous for us and for baby? I don’t know, but that is exactly how that article made us feel.

We knew from the beginning that we could not share pictures of our placements in social media, or share stories about them in social media. Of course you can talk to your family and share, that is what they are there for, they are our support system through all this as well as eachother.

So we ask ourselves again, “why blog/vlog?” our answer to that question was again, awarness and a way to let our extended friends and family who we don’t see very often into our world of fostering. I don’t see a problem with continueing to blog or vlog as long as we do it right.

It’s not just about fostering it’s about me and my husband as a family going through this journey and sharing it with people we love and people who are interested in knowing more about it.
Every case is different so maybe ours will relate to someone out there and help them along the way.

So thank you for those who are interested in our journey or fostering in general.

I will continue to blog at www.lavidalui.com

Time Flys

I can't believe Mr. Smiles is almost 5 months now, boy does time fly.

He was only 2 weeks old when we were able to bring him home from the hospital.  He was so tiny that I was afraid to pick him up at first, afraid to feed him or even turn him around so he can burp.  Now he laughs, can hold his own head up, and he is trying to sit up all on his own already!

I don't get tired of saying how much I am enjoying time with this little guy, he has brought so much joy to both me and my husband.

I always thought that by the time I was 26 I was going to have my first baby and by the time I was 30 I would already have 2 close to going on our third.  I guess I just wanted to keep popping them out, haha, until I reached 4; yes I said four.  I always wanted to have a big family; all the brothers and sisters getting together for a full house every Sunday, or when they were older and brought their boyfriends/husbands, girlfriends/wife's.  Maybe my family is not growing the way I always imagined it would but that is ok, I feel just as blessed even though this little guy is not legally my son (yet. Fingers crossed) We both feel super blessed he came in to our lives.

There was a court hearing recently...it was postponed for two months due to some paper work issue.  We knew going into this it was going to be a long process but sometimes its hard not to get your hopes up.  For now just enjoying watching Mr. Smiles grow.

Oh almost forgot I "moved" I am no longer going to be blogging on here all blogs/updates will now be on http://fosterlife.tv/ where both me and my hubby can post updates about our thoughts on this and the process.  We are still working on the site so look out for new things along the way.

Thanks for continuing to following me! ;-)

Deciding To Adopt

This last week was my first week back to work after 8 weeks off to bond with Mr. Smiles.  It was bitter sweet.  It actually felt good to go back to work, as much as I was dreading the day, it wasn't so bad and I got to see my co-workers (we need to start hanging out outside of work more often, you know who you are)

I did miss Mr. Smiles a lot, it was weird not being there with him. 
It got me thinking about the time when my hubby first brought up adoption.  I remember telling him "no way, if we can't have any it must be for a reason; besides I'm afraid I wont love him/her like I would my own.  So no, no adoption" Oh my sweet dear husband loves me so much that he did not get mad or said anything negative, he was very patient with me and would bring it up every now and then.  Finally, after years, I started thinking about it and started researching adoption agencies -way too expensive, definitely not in our budget.  It depressed me and I would say to him "So what, if you don't have tons of money and can't give birth to a baby you are not meant to be a parent?"  I would get pretty angry. 

Hubby then started looking into adopting through the foster care system.  I was a bit hesitant because I wasn't sure I would be able to handle taking in a baby/child and then having them taken away if reunification with the birth family happened.  I began to do research on that for about a year, hubby and I talked and decided to go to orientation to see what its all about and if it would be possible to adopt a baby.

 We went to an orientation through an agency that worked with the foster care system.  We had heard a lot of good things about them, but in orientation we were told that babies aren't always up for adoption "you wont be able to adopt a newborn, there really aren't any babies".  My husband and I left the orientation very discouraged to try and adopt through the foster care system.  We felt they were trying to push older kids on us.  We were 26 and 27 at the time, with no children and we felt that a baby would be best for our family.  We decided to go to one more orientation, through the county this time, and got a lot more info.  We decided to go through with it and here we are now on our second placement with a 4 month old little boy (he was placed with us at 2 weeks old) who we are hoping to adopt.  For now enjoying every minute with Mr. Smiles and keeping our fingers crossed that it will all work out.

Meeting Birth Mother

We met Mr. Smiles birth mom 2 weeks ago.  I was bit nervous about meeting her, I was not sure what to expect as the visits with baby girls birth mother were so awkward .

We both have mixed feelings about the whole thing.  On one hand, we are happy to meet her and get to know her, if we do end up being able to adopt him I think it is very important to know her so we can answer Mr. Smiles questions when he gets older, but at the same time I still have this fear that since visitation rights started and was granted by the court we wont be able to keep Mr Smiles. 

 I've been having some really conflicting feelings: 

1.  I feel like the bad guy trying to take her baby from her 
2. who are we to not let her try and get her baby back.  If she gets her life situated and is able to give him the life he deserves why not (that's the thought on the back of my mind)

The love we have for this little guy is so big that I think it would hurt more than the first time to see him go. 

The visit was not so bad, she seemed nice and didn't make us feel like we were the bad guys trying to take her baby.  She did seem a bit overwhelmed; at one point while changing the diaper for Mr. Smiles (he would not stop crying) she had to ask me to finish changing him.  I liked that she asked me to help her. 
We didn't talk much, just a bit of small talk and some things about baby, she was very punctual as well as soon as it hit the hour she handed baby back but before we left I asked her if she would like to take a picture with baby, I think that would be a nice memory to have regardless of Mr. Smiles being adopted or not.

On the second visit we weren't nervous anymore and we had framed a picture of Mr. Smiles for her as a Christmas present, she came out as well with a gift for baby and one for me.  This all makes me feel so guilty, here we are visiting and making small talk, talking about baby's development and his likes yet I want to keep this little guy forever.  I guess everything will happen like it is meant to happen whether its good or bad I will be happy if its the right thing for Mr. Smiles.

During the visit birth mom did ask if he was our first foster baby and if we were foster parents only or foster to adopt- I had the opportunity to tell her straight out that we were looking to adopt baby but something told me not to say that yet it was too soon so I just said what came out naturally and felt right "We started out just fostering and decided to fost-adopt" she just nodded and asked why we decided to foster I was honest and told her that we love kids and we aren't able to have any of our own so we decided to foster adopt, that was it and we continued to talk about baby.

I still feel confused and don't know where this will go but I do feel its going to be a long process but we are enjoying every moment with Mr. Smiles.

2 Months With Us =)

Mr. Smiles has been with us for 2 months now!

So I decided to take some time off of work to spend with baby Smiles (Bonding time) I'm so glad I did, in just the 2 weeks that I have had off he has grown so much, he is starting to pass that newborn phase.  These 2 weeks have also been super busy...doctor's appointment, social worker visits, etc.  In this last visit SW informed us that they were able to get in contact with birth mother, it scares me a bit because of what happened with baby girl and I fear that he too will go back--I feel bad even wishing that he never does go back to his birth mom or family, I feel like I'm wishing birth mom to stay in this horrible life situation and hoping she doesn't get her kids back, how horrible is that?!

I know that the DCFS priority is reunification but we did go into it hoping to adopt. 

Once that first one is adopted I think (once we have the space for more than 1) I would want to continue being a foster parent it is very rewarding and I never thought I would say this as I was never really one to go play with the babies or little ones but I like having the little ones in my home, one word, CUTE!

National Adoption Day was 2 days ago, November 23rd, I was reading some blogs and just browsing the web and as I'm reading some of these blogs it got me thinking "That's going to be me one day, sharing my story"  I'm doing so every time I post on this blog but that story of the day the adoption is finalized.  Can't wait!

Enjoying EVERY Minute

Baby boy (Mr. Smiles) is 6 weeks now and we are enjoying every minute with him. This is my first time caring for a newborn and let me tell you, he is a super easy baby.  He sleeps fine, doesn't cry much unless he is cold, like when we bathe him sometimes at night while changing his diaper, or if he is really hungry. I feel so lucky and blessed to be able to be a foster parent (with hopes of adoption) but I will stop there in regards to that.

Two of my cousins from Mexico were visiting last Saturday, so one of my uncles had a little get together.  It was nice being with the family and feeling/seeing the support from each and every one of them. They welcomed Mr. Smiles (baby boy) with open arms. It is the same with my husband’s side of the family, so supportive and welcoming with Mr. Smiles.  I wish I could post pictures with baby boy so you can see the love that they already have for him.  It makes me so happy to see that and of course there would be no reason why they wouldn't be supportive, but you never know until it actually happens?

My wonderful family, not even half are in the picture, this is just some of the cousins

Everything is still a learning process with Mr. Smiles, as I'm sure it is for all new mom's.

 Every time I go to Target I want to buy him something new and then hold back since he is in that stage where he just grows so fast.  I'm constantly looking online to see what I should be doing to help with his development, all sorts of mom stuff I guess.

As I said before and will continue to say, I feel that this is the path my hubby and I were supposed to take.  We are where we need to be at this point in life.  Right now Mr. Smiles is part of the family and we know that DCFS is all about reunification and we know that is a good thing sometimes, but to be honest we went into this hoping to adopt.  Everyday I wake up I pray that he is the one...for now he is and I will give him all the love I can give.

I learned a lot from the first placement with baby girl, I had a huge wall up because I was too afraid to get too attached to her and that was selfish of me.  I didn't give her the love and support that I knew I could give and she needed during the time she was with us, she has helped me see this in a whole different way and I don't regret becoming a foster parent.

So If you are thinking about fostering or adopting through the foster care system and you are not sure if you should do this or not, just know that its not easy and can be very stressful but also very rewarding.

 

My mom made him the cutest fox beanie.  What does the fox say?



Feels Right

I will be keeping this post short and sweet.

You know as frustrating as this all feels/is sometimes it's actually very rewarding being a foster parent, not easy, but when is life ever easy. 

 Hubby and I don't know much on how baby girl is doing, just that the SW visited the first week she was back with bio mom and we were told she was doing ok.  We would like to think that all is good and that she will not go back into the system. 

 It's been almost 2 weeks now since we got a call for our second placement. My husband called me at work to let me know there was a 2 week old baby boy born on my birthday (could it be a sign?) ready to be picked up straight from the hospital.  At first I was a bit hesitant as the baby is so young and I've never cared for a newborn before, so it was a bit scary, what if I break him? After giving it some thought we decided to go for it, there was a baby out there who needed a home/family right now and so here we are with an almost 1 month old baby boy who is probably the best baby ever (that I have met).  He doesn't cry much, just when he is getting a bath other than that I would say we have gotten pretty lucky with an easy baby...so far. 

I do have to say that one of my least favorite things is changing a poopy diaper, I have to admit that I did end up cutting off a onesie off the baby because there was a poop explosion and got all over baby boy's clothes cause he was moving those little legs too much.  There was just no way I was going to take it off by pulling it over his head and get poop all over him...don't judge :) 

So as always the journey continues.

His little outfit to wear through out the month of October :)

What A Day

Trying to adopt through the foster care system is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but it's not stopping us, hubby and I will keep going.

It was the very first court hearing, it was supposed to be a routine hearing for setting up a plan for bio mom to get back on track.  We were told that DCFS was going to push for adoption because bio mom has 3 other kids in the system.  But it wasn't a routine hearing...


 At 2:40 PM on Wednesday I hear my phone ding; I looked down and saw that I had a new voice mail.  I walked outside to see if I could get a bit of service to listen to the voice mail...it was from one of the social workers, letting me know that the court has released baby girl back to bio mom and bio mom would be in contact with me to arrange pick up.  My heart sunk, I was mad, sad, in disbelief, and fighting back tears.  I knew that this was a possibility when trying to adopt through the foster care system, but from the very beginning they made it seem like this adoption was a sure thing.  Of course nothing is a sure thing, but it seemed like it was heading in that direction.   I called my husband immediately, he had already talked to the social worker and he was calling me as his phone rang.  Hearing my husband cry telling me that this was harder than he thought and didn't think it would hurt this much made me feel even worse, tears were rolling down my face. I said to him "I'm sorry baby, I know it hurts, I'm going to leave work early I will call you when I'm on my way"  at that point a flood was flowing down my face.  Why was it hurting so much?  Can someone really get that attached to someone in such a short time?

I got home and my in-laws were already there.  Coincidentally they were going to come down to visit baby girl that same day.  I didn't even want to see baby girl until I felt I would not cry when I saw her.  I wanted her to see me smile and enjoy her for a few more hours.  She was happy, smiling, and her cute silly self.  My hubby called the SW to find out how this was going to happen.  Are they picking her up?  How does this work?  What happens next?  Well, it turns out "Birth mom doesn't drive, or have a car, or car seat. so you will need to take baby girl to birth mom"  WHAT!??  REALLY?? at that point we were just over it and didn't care about being our normal punctual selves (actually hubby is the punctual one), we tried to suck every last minute we could with baby girl.

When the time came to take baby girl, she had no idea what was going on and was as happy as she always was, being funny, doing all the little things we taught her while she was with us.  When baby girl came to us she didn't know much, and bio mom was clueless about her development.  At one of the visits bio mom asked if she was starting to crawl- Crawl?? She was practically walking and almost talking, she was already crawling when she was removed from bio mom.  There were times in the visits I would ask bio mom not to feed baby (who had no teeth) Chinese food or give her soda. I don't think she liked that I told her what not to give her own child but I had to do it. 

Let me back up a little.  Baby girl fit right in, she loved our dogs and especially the cats. Her favorite cat was Amasty, our black cat.  She got super attached to my mom and my hubby, her and I needed a bit more work, as I worked all day and only saw her about 1 to 2 hours a day during the week, but we had our thing, I was the one who bathe her and put her to sleep or wake up in the middle of the night to put her back to sleep (she was teething) that was our bonding moments at the time.....

Baby girls fave cat- Amasty

All in all it all felt right, and we feel so lucky that we were able to be a part of this little ones life.  All we can do now is hope that we were able to make a difference and hope that birth mom does get back on track and cares for baby girl better than she did her other 3 kids.

Hubby and I have decided that we will continue and hope that one day it will work out.  There are plenty of kids out there that need a home and we are willing to keep our home and hearts open for another child that needs it.

The Journey will still continue.

The Day We Got The Call!

Exactly one month after I started this blog we got the call for our very first placement!

Ok so first of let me say that due to this being a state matter I cannot post pictures on Facebook or on my blog or go into much detail.

A week before the official placement we received a call about a possible placement. We were told that we would need to pick up the little guy straight from the hospital that day or the next; the same day our homestudy was approved!  45 Min later we got a call back saying there was a big misunderstanding; just kidding about the little guy, it was a little girl not a new born but still less then a year old.  Another 45 min later they called back "just kidding again" there was another misunderstanding...Aah!! There was no child in need of a home sorry... Once that happened its like our patience switch was turned off, I had already given my boss a heads up that I might need to take some time off...just kidding I don't need time off yet, oi how do I turn this patience switch back on? We waited over a year to get approved I can do some more waiting right? Right!
 
 Well our patience paid off, about a week later we got a call about the same baby girl, we were told they would be dropping her off that afternoon, too bad I was on a business trip 370 miles away from home, aaah!! Good thing hubby was home, but I was not going to be able to meet Baby girl until later that evening.   When I met baby girl I didn't know how to feel or think. I think I had a bit of a wall up as I am new to all this, and when you foster reunification is always priority for DCFS.  As of right now we do not have much info in regards to baby girl as her SW is on vacation, once she gets back we will know more and see where this is going to go...fingers crossed.  Right now we are both enjoying having her in  our home, she has so much personality and makes us laugh everyday, I feel blessed to be able to do this...I'm a MOM! =)



Journey to be continued...

The Start of A Foster/Adopt Story

         For the last year I have been searching and searching for information...blogs, vlogs, books, anything on adopting through the foster care system.  Sadly I have not found much.  Soo, I have decided to start blogging about my journey in becoming a foster/adoptive parent.

My husband and I first started talking about adoption about 2 years ago.

 Unfortunately getting pregnant was/is not happening, and I don't know if it ever will.  Anytime some celebrity would announce that they were pregnant, or I would see a pregnant lady/teenager, I would get mad, angry and sad all at the same time.  I would always say (jokingly...sorta) to Nick (my hubby) "They're just rubbing it in".  Sweet Nick would just look at me and smile.  He didn't have to say anything, it was all in the way he looked at me, telling me he was there for me and we are in this together, and no matter what, it will all work itself out....And it will.

 I decided to look into Private Adoption, just get some information, see how much it would cost...too expensive for us.  Next, we started looking into adopting through the foster care system.  Hubby and I talked about it and felt this was the right path.  I feel everything happens for a reason and there are so many children in the system that need a home a family.  A FOREVER Family, and we want to be that forever family to a child who needs a forever family.

So that being said, it has been a little over a year since we first started the process to become resource parents (the official name of a foster parent).   Here is a time line of what it was like becoming resource parents in LA county.

• May 15, 2012- Orientation

  ~ After orientation you then have to enroll in a PS-MAPP class which is 6 weeks.  You can choose to go 2 days a week for 3 hours each day, or Saturday for 7 hours with an hour lunch.  The classes fill up fast so we were not able to enroll until August!

• August 11, 2012 - September 22, 2012 - PS-Mapp Class ~ We went on Saturdays for 6 weeks.  I thought the classes were a very important part of the process but a bit too long.  During our class we had our home inspection with the state, Community Care Licensing (CCL).  Things you need to have ready for the inspection;

1. The baby room- Crib or bed (depends on the age you want to foster/adopt), dresser, and car seat.
2. ALL knifes and cleaning products locked up
3. Smoke/Carbon Monoxide detectors in every room
4. First aid kit with thermometer (they also look for tweezers and scissors)
5. Infant/Adult First Aid Certification
6. TB test
7. Paper work from your doctor showing you are healthy
8. Live Scan

• October 10th 2012 -Licensed with CCL for 1 child 0-2 ~Yay! =)

From October 2012 - December 2012 we heard nothing.  Mid December I decided to email the social worker who was in the PS-Mapp class for some advise.  She replied the same day and the next day a supervisor contacted me to let me know who our social worker was and that she would be calling us soon ( she was on vacation).  We heard from our social worker in February of 2013 and were told we needed to get live scanned again through them. We called for 3 weeks trying to set up an appointment, leaving tons of messages and calling multiple times a day.  (we never heard back from them)  Finally our social worker contacted us and told us to just show up, long story short, we finally got live scanned.  Shortly after that we got switched to a new social worker to complete our home study with. 

• April 2013 We had our first interview scheduled with our new social worker...it was cancelled
• May 2013 - First interview/house inspection
• May 2013- Second interview (individual interview) They get pretty personal but not too bad.
• June 2013 - Here we are, waiting for the approval through social services, waiting for the call when our CW (case worker) tells us we are approved and ready for placement.

After putting the timeline in writing I feel like it was not as long as it felt.  The hardest part of this whole process is all the waiting.  There at a thousand things to do and everything moves at snail pace.  It takes months to get anything done and right now we are waiting again.  This is a game of patience, a marathon not a sprint. 

I hope this helps those of you who are thinking about fostering or adopting through the foster care system.  Please come back as I will continue to blog about my Journey to adopt...This is only the beginning!