Meeting Birth Mother

We met Mr. Smiles birth mom 2 weeks ago.  I was bit nervous about meeting her, I was not sure what to expect as the visits with baby girls birth mother were so awkward .

We both have mixed feelings about the whole thing.  On one hand, we are happy to meet her and get to know her, if we do end up being able to adopt him I think it is very important to know her so we can answer Mr. Smiles questions when he gets older, but at the same time I still have this fear that since visitation rights started and was granted by the court we wont be able to keep Mr Smiles. 

 I've been having some really conflicting feelings: 

1.  I feel like the bad guy trying to take her baby from her 
2. who are we to not let her try and get her baby back.  If she gets her life situated and is able to give him the life he deserves why not (that's the thought on the back of my mind)

The love we have for this little guy is so big that I think it would hurt more than the first time to see him go. 

The visit was not so bad, she seemed nice and didn't make us feel like we were the bad guys trying to take her baby.  She did seem a bit overwhelmed; at one point while changing the diaper for Mr. Smiles (he would not stop crying) she had to ask me to finish changing him.  I liked that she asked me to help her. 
We didn't talk much, just a bit of small talk and some things about baby, she was very punctual as well as soon as it hit the hour she handed baby back but before we left I asked her if she would like to take a picture with baby, I think that would be a nice memory to have regardless of Mr. Smiles being adopted or not.

On the second visit we weren't nervous anymore and we had framed a picture of Mr. Smiles for her as a Christmas present, she came out as well with a gift for baby and one for me.  This all makes me feel so guilty, here we are visiting and making small talk, talking about baby's development and his likes yet I want to keep this little guy forever.  I guess everything will happen like it is meant to happen whether its good or bad I will be happy if its the right thing for Mr. Smiles.

During the visit birth mom did ask if he was our first foster baby and if we were foster parents only or foster to adopt- I had the opportunity to tell her straight out that we were looking to adopt baby but something told me not to say that yet it was too soon so I just said what came out naturally and felt right "We started out just fostering and decided to fost-adopt" she just nodded and asked why we decided to foster I was honest and told her that we love kids and we aren't able to have any of our own so we decided to foster adopt, that was it and we continued to talk about baby.

I still feel confused and don't know where this will go but I do feel its going to be a long process but we are enjoying every moment with Mr. Smiles.