Meeting Birth Mother

We met Mr. Smiles birth mom 2 weeks ago.  I was bit nervous about meeting her, I was not sure what to expect as the visits with baby girls birth mother were so awkward .

We both have mixed feelings about the whole thing.  On one hand, we are happy to meet her and get to know her, if we do end up being able to adopt him I think it is very important to know her so we can answer Mr. Smiles questions when he gets older, but at the same time I still have this fear that since visitation rights started and was granted by the court we wont be able to keep Mr Smiles. 

 I've been having some really conflicting feelings: 

1.  I feel like the bad guy trying to take her baby from her 
2. who are we to not let her try and get her baby back.  If she gets her life situated and is able to give him the life he deserves why not (that's the thought on the back of my mind)

The love we have for this little guy is so big that I think it would hurt more than the first time to see him go. 

The visit was not so bad, she seemed nice and didn't make us feel like we were the bad guys trying to take her baby.  She did seem a bit overwhelmed; at one point while changing the diaper for Mr. Smiles (he would not stop crying) she had to ask me to finish changing him.  I liked that she asked me to help her. 
We didn't talk much, just a bit of small talk and some things about baby, she was very punctual as well as soon as it hit the hour she handed baby back but before we left I asked her if she would like to take a picture with baby, I think that would be a nice memory to have regardless of Mr. Smiles being adopted or not.

On the second visit we weren't nervous anymore and we had framed a picture of Mr. Smiles for her as a Christmas present, she came out as well with a gift for baby and one for me.  This all makes me feel so guilty, here we are visiting and making small talk, talking about baby's development and his likes yet I want to keep this little guy forever.  I guess everything will happen like it is meant to happen whether its good or bad I will be happy if its the right thing for Mr. Smiles.

During the visit birth mom did ask if he was our first foster baby and if we were foster parents only or foster to adopt- I had the opportunity to tell her straight out that we were looking to adopt baby but something told me not to say that yet it was too soon so I just said what came out naturally and felt right "We started out just fostering and decided to fost-adopt" she just nodded and asked why we decided to foster I was honest and told her that we love kids and we aren't able to have any of our own so we decided to foster adopt, that was it and we continued to talk about baby.

I still feel confused and don't know where this will go but I do feel its going to be a long process but we are enjoying every moment with Mr. Smiles.

Enjoying EVERY Minute

Baby boy (Mr. Smiles) is 6 weeks now and we are enjoying every minute with him. This is my first time caring for a newborn and let me tell you, he is a super easy baby.  He sleeps fine, doesn't cry much unless he is cold, like when we bathe him sometimes at night while changing his diaper, or if he is really hungry. I feel so lucky and blessed to be able to be a foster parent (with hopes of adoption) but I will stop there in regards to that.

Two of my cousins from Mexico were visiting last Saturday, so one of my uncles had a little get together.  It was nice being with the family and feeling/seeing the support from each and every one of them. They welcomed Mr. Smiles (baby boy) with open arms. It is the same with my husband’s side of the family, so supportive and welcoming with Mr. Smiles.  I wish I could post pictures with baby boy so you can see the love that they already have for him.  It makes me so happy to see that and of course there would be no reason why they wouldn't be supportive, but you never know until it actually happens?

My wonderful family, not even half are in the picture, this is just some of the cousins

Everything is still a learning process with Mr. Smiles, as I'm sure it is for all new mom's.

 Every time I go to Target I want to buy him something new and then hold back since he is in that stage where he just grows so fast.  I'm constantly looking online to see what I should be doing to help with his development, all sorts of mom stuff I guess.

As I said before and will continue to say, I feel that this is the path my hubby and I were supposed to take.  We are where we need to be at this point in life.  Right now Mr. Smiles is part of the family and we know that DCFS is all about reunification and we know that is a good thing sometimes, but to be honest we went into this hoping to adopt.  Everyday I wake up I pray that he is the one...for now he is and I will give him all the love I can give.

I learned a lot from the first placement with baby girl, I had a huge wall up because I was too afraid to get too attached to her and that was selfish of me.  I didn't give her the love and support that I knew I could give and she needed during the time she was with us, she has helped me see this in a whole different way and I don't regret becoming a foster parent.

So If you are thinking about fostering or adopting through the foster care system and you are not sure if you should do this or not, just know that its not easy and can be very stressful but also very rewarding.

 

My mom made him the cutest fox beanie.  What does the fox say?